the truth will out

she never longed to be a mother
though once she dreamed of being a wife
all too soon she learned
that love was a double-edged knife

you give someone your everything
devote your heart ‘n soul
to end up feelin’ like a misfit –
wife is not your proper role

so you focus on your career
lotsa certificates on your study wall
only to find out you’re expendable –
your employer cares for you not at all

you keep tryin’ hard to move forward
cause that’s what you always do
only to suffocate in snot ‘n saltwater
even God has abandoned you

now forward motion is the dream
as your feet are stuck to a hopeless path
everything everywhere ends
targets for a laughin’ God’s wrath

copyright © 2015 KPM

the truth will out

messy love

after the birthday celebrations
she’s happy to attend to her chores
singin’ as she sweeps the cracker crumbs
from the polished floor

coffee cups & wine glasses
are washed & placed in the rack
a task she normally hates
but she’s jammin’ to Fleetwood Mac

so she’s happy as she works
givin’ praise to the powers above
that she’s been granted another year
to enjoy the fruits of messy love

the bedroom could use a good tidy
she thinks to herself whilst makin’ the bed
stoppin’ to bury her face in the pillow
that holds the shape of a much-loved head

lining the cushions up neatly
puttin’ the remotes back in their place
thankful for the weekend past
with all its tiny moments of grace

she’s hopeful as she works
offerin’ praise to the powers above
that in a world that’s often uncertain
she can always count on his messy love

copyright © 2015 KPM

messy love

unintentional

I wanted to cut the grass
but the bleedin’ rain refused to pass
disgruntled,
I accepted that was that
rolled up my sleeves
& began to tidy the flat

cleaning is a quiet task
thus I heard my heartbeat ask
for the telly, some music – any kind of sound
for surcease from thoughts that sought to drown

dunno what came over me
but I put on that CD

18 & unburdened
with no worries, no load
singin’ “fuck you speed limit”
racin’ down a summer road
joyous is the look on your beloved face
as the old car shimmies with the bass

just 25, but I feel old –
heartsick & tired
love’s become a dissenting mass
in which we’re both mired
why get so shitty when I only speak the truth?
so easily shattered, the dreams of my youth

what the hell was I thinkin’ – what came over me?
why ever made me put on that CD?

31 & love is almost done
32 & I’m seekin’ an unmarked pawnshop gun
35 & I can only weep
37 & I’ve forgotten how to sleep
at 40 life grows harder by the day
at 42 I said“to hell with this” – upped sticks & ran away

so many memories
I remember all of them
so many movies
of drunken love at 5am
my present life is happy – I know my new life will last
yet my days & night remain haunted by a bitter past

still, everything remains a vital part of me
useless then to wonder, why I put on that CD

copyright © 2015 KPM

unintentional

summer rain in the garden of Eden

the sky’s the steely gray
of a million slate-covered roofs
kickin’ out the sound
of angry horses hoofs
the owner of the garden
also owns a troubled past
engulfed by this recent storm
she’s convinced the rain will last

is someone cryin’ up in heaven?
their tears a sign it’s time to flee?
who is cryin’ up in heaven,
& are those tears for me?

fat teardrops batter irises
beneath the onslaught their heads are bowed
all the lilies of the valley
have had their spirits cowed
the owner of the garden
has been caught out unawares
salty water stings her eyes
she wonders why she even cares

do angels cry sometimes in heaven?
aren’t angels meant to show naught but glee?
are those really angels cryin’,
& do they weep for me?

the garden’s souls grow dark
as tree branches battle wind
the climbing ivy falls apart
leaves shivering with chagrin
the owner of the garden – scared
is unsure how she’ll cope
but the nectar remains sweet
assistance in her hold on hope

it matters not who cries in heaven
the garden heeds this watery plea
as the garden’s owner whispers,
“you don’t hafta cry for me”

copyright © 2015 KPM

rain in the garden of eden

this is a test

in my smile folks see a song
‘n people think of me as strong
through every trial I’ve danced along
but right now my faith is gone

I rode the streets of my life, totally in control
had work I loved that made me feel whole
jobless now, I’m facin’ the dole
or damp city streets with a beggin’ bowl

feel like the dupe in a nightmare swindle
‘n in my belly fear starts to kindle
helplessly I watch my bank balance dwindle
my belief in you – can it be rekindled?

I’m strugglin’ to remember that I’m blessed
but this current state I so detest
‘n I don’t wanna be scared or depressed
but my feelings must be expressed

I need you, Lord –guidance & love are requested
cause in this place I’m heavily invested
few are the times that I’ve been bested
reckon that’s why I’m bein’ tested

copyright © 2015 KPM

Tested

forsaken

Lord,
I am not strong enough
for this new song you want me to sing
an’ today I’ve lost my faith again
so songs don’ mean a thing

to me
the child you’ve abandoned
the child with whom you’ve toyed
the child you’ve walked away from
the child who feels destroyed

Holy Spirit,
I’ve done my best
on arthritic knees I’ve prayed
I’ve tried to be a good person
yet my hopes ‘n dreams you’ve slayed

right now
I feel bereft
I feel like your love has left
I feel like I’ve been forsaken
once more my heart is breakin’

Gentle Jesus,
my heart ’n soul you read
‘n I want to believe you’re still there
hear me in this time of deepest need
show me that you’re always there

copyright © 2015 KPM

forsaken

ambivalence

in the photo they are smiling
though she no longer remembers why
such happy smilin’ faces
why do they make her wanna cry?

proud & handsome faces
that fill her with regret
faces that resurrect memories
she’d much rather forget

things that still have the power
to make her aging blood boil
small wonder that she dreads
returnin’ to her native soil

still there are things she misses
her birth land is not without its charms
her family, her friends, Shaker Lake
her mother’s soft encircling arms

she knows it’s time to return
though this journey she’s loathe to take
a good life she’s built in a land she loves
thoughts of leaving it make her heart ache

so she focuses on the good things:
her childhood friends, food & family
knowing she’ll appreciate even more
the moment she returns to her bonnie Dundee

copyright © 2015 KPM

Ambivalence

heat

it was hot – so hot
I sat at home & thought
“will I, or will I not
brave the steamin’ Cleveland streets?
curse the sticky tar
that’s sure to burn my tender feet?”

but I wanted a new pair of earrings –
it was my birthday, you see
so I locked the door behind me
& took the elevator down

the Square was loud – too loud
though sweaty heads were bowed
no one seemed cowed
by heat that shimmered
I stood patiently in line
behind a woman whose hair glimmered

I was thinking of those earrings –
imaginin’ how they’d look, you see
when I heard your voice behind me
& my stomach dropped down

“We’re both in for a long wait
& this heat will not abate
“sit with me – share a cold fruit plate”
gray eyes smiled with a glint
no wedding ring I saw
so as simply as that, I went

“I’m goin’ to buy some earrings –
It’s my birthday, you see”
you leaned in & smiled at me
& confused, my eyes looked down

without the slightest hesitant trace
I took you back to my place
together we entered that holy space
our love was a passionate haze
consigned to
150 days

but all I’d wanted was new earrings –
it was my birthday, you see
I never thought he’d abandon me
break my heart, leave me down

copyright © 2015 KPM

Heat 2

disillusioned

well I’ll be damned
what’s this I see?
dissension in the church
just don’t seem right to me

the flower arrangers can’t decide
if they should accept the flowers
donated by the bride

the volunteers who do
the coffee & the tea
are havin’ a mad hair-pullin’ spree

the cleaners is all upset
they get mad, makes ‘em nervous
such a mess left behind after every service!

the vestry is snide
gossip runs rife
this stuff is spoilin’ my religious life

do the angels fight in heaven?
Ariel & Metatron?
Jesus would weep to see what’s goin’ on

this is not how things
is sposed to be
surely this is not Christianity

I’m losin’ my religion
I’m sad & kinda pissed
when did the love vanish?
perhaps I’ll join the atheists!

copyright © 2015 KPM

disillusioned

song for old rockers

his eyesight’s dimmin’
yet he spends hours at that screen
peckin’ out a stream of words
as his thoughts careen

his hairline is recedin’
but about that he don’ care
he has visions, he has feelings
they’re important – he must share

so he ignores the creak in his knees
he laughs at the vagaries of age
his heart remains youthful
as he climbs onto the stage

his torn t-shirt is too small
to hide that middle-aged paunch
but his voice is strong & true
his guitar is ever staunch

his tattoos sag, now wrinkled
a road map mars his still long legs
yet his soul stays one with the crowd
they lend their life as they beg

so he ignores the ache in his back
ignores the critics who think it’s wrong
dude plans to dies onstage
beltin’ out that final song

copyright © 2015 KPM

old rock star