blue nails

every morning she awakens
eyes crusted with bleariness
opens the bedroom curtains
to a sky of steel dreariness
stomach filled with cramps of dread
as once again she struggles out of bed

neuralgia grips her
uncertainty leaves her wired
weary of the daily struggle,
unbearably sad ‘n desperately tired
would friends & lovers salty tears shed
if they received word that she was dead?

by the black dog’s gleeful bites
her soul has been tossed
a fucked up life of faults ‘n errors
where the wires always get crossed
many mistakes have been made, but the wrongs don’t have to last
if she’d just learn to forgive herself – let yesterday stay in the past

copyright © 2015 KPM

blue nails

untenable

she wants to believe in miracles
some folks think that’s odd
firmly rooted in their realities
as she listens for the voice of God

but lately God’s been silent
His/Her mercy is not there
thus she sits, chain-smoking,
refusing to cry in her lovely lair

many have been her troubles
& she knows she’s not the only one
this knowledge brings no comfort
as she watches another rising sun

a list of blessings she has made:
food in the fridge & a good man’s love
yet she can’t help but feel let down
by whoever’s runnin’ things above

each day she grows more anxious
the simplest task is now a strain
& darkness overwhelms her
on those long nights filled with pain

the holy lifeline is no more
heaven has closed it gates
is this meant to teach her patience?
she wonders, & she waits

copyright © 2015 KPM

off_the_hook_by_tfavretto-d1qy9yo

ice

the coldness grows around her heart
with the passing years she drifts further apart
from all humanity – those who claimed they cared
but she’s happy in her solitude – she is not scared

colder she grows – more resolute
friends, acquaintances, colleagues – everybody gets the boot
she’s loved until her heart was sore
love does no good any more

cold is God’s breath as it blows on her
constant pain in her chest doth stir
it’s not the way she wanted to be
she continues the battle, determined not to flee

copyright © 2015 KPM

icy_landscape_by_das_ratsel-d6rm8g1

alone at the end of the world

snatches of old songs howl through her head
some sorrowful
some joyous
some reminders of dread
bound by memories
of a life that came to naught
in God’s final joke
she is firmly caught

abandoned houses, vacant lots
empty landscapes
empty eyes
that leave no tear spots
humanity has faded away
sunlight
moonlight
have both gone astray

no calendars or ticking clocks
stripped out stores
stripped down cars
the world’s been reduced to a cardboard box
no more a life of everything
no holidays
no flat-screens
no birds remain to sing

copyright © 2015 KPM

alone at the end of the world

the truth will out

she never longed to be a mother
though once she dreamed of being a wife
all too soon she learned
that love was a double-edged knife

you give someone your everything
devote your heart ‘n soul
to end up feelin’ like a misfit –
wife is not your proper role

so you focus on your career
lotsa certificates on your study wall
only to find out you’re expendable –
your employer cares for you not at all

you keep tryin’ hard to move forward
cause that’s what you always do
only to suffocate in snot ‘n saltwater
even God has abandoned you

now forward motion is the dream
as your feet are stuck to a hopeless path
everything everywhere ends
targets for a laughin’ God’s wrath

copyright © 2015 KPM

the truth will out

messy love

after the birthday celebrations
she’s happy to attend to her chores
singin’ as she sweeps the cracker crumbs
from the polished floor

coffee cups & wine glasses
are washed & placed in the rack
a task she normally hates
but she’s jammin’ to Fleetwood Mac

so she’s happy as she works
givin’ praise to the powers above
that she’s been granted another year
to enjoy the fruits of messy love

the bedroom could use a good tidy
she thinks to herself whilst makin’ the bed
stoppin’ to bury her face in the pillow
that holds the shape of a much-loved head

lining the cushions up neatly
puttin’ the remotes back in their place
thankful for the weekend past
with all its tiny moments of grace

she’s hopeful as she works
offerin’ praise to the powers above
that in a world that’s often uncertain
she can always count on his messy love

copyright © 2015 KPM

messy love

unintentional

I wanted to cut the grass
but the bleedin’ rain refused to pass
disgruntled,
I accepted that was that
rolled up my sleeves
& began to tidy the flat

cleaning is a quiet task
thus I heard my heartbeat ask
for the telly, some music – any kind of sound
for surcease from thoughts that sought to drown

dunno what came over me
but I put on that CD

18 & unburdened
with no worries, no load
singin’ “fuck you speed limit”
racin’ down a summer road
joyous is the look on your beloved face
as the old car shimmies with the bass

just 25, but I feel old –
heartsick & tired
love’s become a dissenting mass
in which we’re both mired
why get so shitty when I only speak the truth?
so easily shattered, the dreams of my youth

what the hell was I thinkin’ – what came over me?
why ever made me put on that CD?

31 & love is almost done
32 & I’m seekin’ an unmarked pawnshop gun
35 & I can only weep
37 & I’ve forgotten how to sleep
at 40 life grows harder by the day
at 42 I said“to hell with this” – upped sticks & ran away

so many memories
I remember all of them
so many movies
of drunken love at 5am
my present life is happy – I know my new life will last
yet my days & night remain haunted by a bitter past

still, everything remains a vital part of me
useless then to wonder, why I put on that CD

copyright © 2015 KPM

unintentional

summer rain in the garden of Eden

the sky’s the steely gray
of a million slate-covered roofs
kickin’ out the sound
of angry horses hoofs
the owner of the garden
also owns a troubled past
engulfed by this recent storm
she’s convinced the rain will last

is someone cryin’ up in heaven?
their tears a sign it’s time to flee?
who is cryin’ up in heaven,
& are those tears for me?

fat teardrops batter irises
beneath the onslaught their heads are bowed
all the lilies of the valley
have had their spirits cowed
the owner of the garden
has been caught out unawares
salty water stings her eyes
she wonders why she even cares

do angels cry sometimes in heaven?
aren’t angels meant to show naught but glee?
are those really angels cryin’,
& do they weep for me?

the garden’s souls grow dark
as tree branches battle wind
the climbing ivy falls apart
leaves shivering with chagrin
the owner of the garden – scared
is unsure how she’ll cope
but the nectar remains sweet
assistance in her hold on hope

it matters not who cries in heaven
the garden heeds this watery plea
as the garden’s owner whispers,
“you don’t hafta cry for me”

copyright © 2015 KPM

rain in the garden of eden

this is a test

in my smile folks see a song
‘n people think of me as strong
through every trial I’ve danced along
but right now my faith is gone

I rode the streets of my life, totally in control
had work I loved that made me feel whole
jobless now, I’m facin’ the dole
or damp city streets with a beggin’ bowl

feel like the dupe in a nightmare swindle
‘n in my belly fear starts to kindle
helplessly I watch my bank balance dwindle
my belief in you – can it be rekindled?

I’m strugglin’ to remember that I’m blessed
but this current state I so detest
‘n I don’t wanna be scared or depressed
but my feelings must be expressed

I need you, Lord –guidance & love are requested
cause in this place I’m heavily invested
few are the times that I’ve been bested
reckon that’s why I’m bein’ tested

copyright © 2015 KPM

Tested

forsaken

Lord,
I am not strong enough
for this new song you want me to sing
an’ today I’ve lost my faith again
so songs don’ mean a thing

to me
the child you’ve abandoned
the child with whom you’ve toyed
the child you’ve walked away from
the child who feels destroyed

Holy Spirit,
I’ve done my best
on arthritic knees I’ve prayed
I’ve tried to be a good person
yet my hopes ‘n dreams you’ve slayed

right now
I feel bereft
I feel like your love has left
I feel like I’ve been forsaken
once more my heart is breakin’

Gentle Jesus,
my heart ’n soul you read
‘n I want to believe you’re still there
hear me in this time of deepest need
show me that you’re always there

copyright © 2015 KPM

forsaken