as October approaches

as she labours beneath
a bright September sky
she realises it’s truly autumn
& tells herself she will not cry
because the days grow shorter
because guilty thoughts berate
because the anniversary approaches
of an event which changed her fate

her face is blank
as she diligently pulls the weeds
trying her hardest to forget
those last unkind words & deeds
because she cannot bear it,
that memory of how she cried
flashbacks of the ringing phone
which brought the news of how he’d died

she’s determined to be happy
as she cuts her patch of grass
though fleetingly she wonders
how many years must pass
before her guilt is erased
before grief makes its retreat
before his face fades from her dreams
& her atonement is complete

copyright © 2015 KPM

as October approaches

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