a Christmas nightmare

the holiday scene before me
is fuzzy & unclear
muted voices, blurry faces
why are these people here?
the long table is covered
in shiny bottles of Christmas cheer
so I pour myself a tall one
hopin’ to drink away the fear

the Christmas cactus on the mantle
has one lonely little bloom
faint sounds of 80s disco
float from some unseen ballroom
in this house I’m a stranger
lookin’ for a familiar room
while outside lurks winter darkness
skies that promise snow & doom

& then I feel his hands
even before I hear his voice
I can’t resist – I turn around
because I have no choice
“you’re mine,” he says, “you’re mine
you cannot run, you cannot flee
eternally you’re mine
always you’ll belong to me”

he pulls me close to him
my freezing hands he clasps
icy kisses on my neck
like Cleopatra’s asp
our breath mingles
in tortuous rasps
& all the while he pulls
he grips, he grasps

am I in Cleveland?
am I in Dundee?
where did he come from?
what’s happenin’ to me?
“Merry Christmas,” he says, “you’re mine
mine for all eternity
I shall always be with you,
forever you’ll belong to me.”

copyright © 2018 KPM

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long time’ comin’

lassitude lies heavy
her own private laissez-faire
the fibre optics twinkle
tree’s pretty, but she don’t care

it’s that old song
about the tears of a clown
the smiles she shares are fake
all alone, she melts down

‘n the ache in her chest
is a banjo strummin’
hidin’ in the loo at work
wipin’ tears a long time comin’

there’s food in the fridge
(thanks to a boyfriend who’s too good)
all too often she’s not hungry –
she don’t eat the way she should

she’s a shadow; a woeful wraith
of her former self
there’s no Christmas card from Mom
so fuck a elf on a shelf

‘n the pain in her head is endless
neuralgia’s relentless thrummin’
all alone she weeps
bitter tears that just keep comin’

copyright © 2018 KPM