unglued

I keep waking
my hands shaking
getting dressed,
button holes defy me
time speaks a new language
as days fly by me

feels like my soul
is no longer whole
& it keeps raining
3 days of endless night
a bottomless pit
where I can find no light

off I trot
face wet & hot
all my meds
my doctor has doubled
but they heal nothing
my heart remains troubled

just one more touch
I’m smoking too much
so unconcerned
if I should die
all cares, all sorrows
away they’d fly

feels like I’m failing
flailing
one foot in front of the other
through air that’s foul & dense
trying hard to come to terms
with a world that makes no sense

copyright © 2017 KPM

conundrum

chest no longer thrust proudly out
like that of a pouter pigeon
bit by bit each day
she’s losing her religion

a long dreaded loss
has reduced her to a wraith
28 years later,
once again – she’s lost her faith

is God in heaven, laughing?
she’s certain He’s decreed
that she’ll forever be denied
anything – anyone – she might need

the worst has finally happened
yet the Lord keeps her alive
what deity would do this?
she’s not sure she will survive

32 days in
& by sobs she’s still wracked
faking smiles for all those people
who want the “old Kath back”

well, grief is messy, folks
have you never suffered a loss?
& she has yearnings of her own,
for your opinion she gives not a toss

alone in bed, she hugs her pillow
clad in her Mom’s t-shirt
watchin’ shite on telly
tryin’ her best to deal with the hurt

asleep, she dreams of returning
to the land of her birth
but how’s she’s supposed to live in a country
where skin colour dictates ones’ worth?

copyright © 2017 KPM

even angels make mistakes

misfortune dogs her footsteps
though she’s committed no crime
her daily life is chaos
in what’s supposed to be her prime
wind roars in her ears
heart beats with an infernal rhyme
seductive are the voices
which keep whispering
“it’s time”

the working-class continue
with their bingo & horse races
immune to clouds above
that resemble laughing faces
children skip to school
their bickering mouths filled with braces
she watches, the back of her throat slimed
with bitter Zopiclone traces

yet she awakens every morning
to another church-bell dawn
downs endless cups of coffee
in a faded gown of black chiffon
an hour at a time
she resists thoughts of all that’s gone
in the memories of those who love her
she’ll find the strength to carry on

copyright © 2015 KPM

even angels make mistakes

blue nails

every morning she awakens
eyes crusted with bleariness
opens the bedroom curtains
to a sky of steel dreariness
stomach filled with cramps of dread
as once again she struggles out of bed

neuralgia grips her
uncertainty leaves her wired
weary of the daily struggle,
unbearably sad ‘n desperately tired
would friends & lovers salty tears shed
if they received word that she was dead?

by the black dog’s gleeful bites
her soul has been tossed
a fucked up life of faults ‘n errors
where the wires always get crossed
many mistakes have been made, but the wrongs don’t have to last
if she’d just learn to forgive herself – let yesterday stay in the past

copyright © 2015 KPM

blue nails

ice

the coldness grows around her heart
with the passing years she drifts further apart
from all humanity – those who claimed they cared
but she’s happy in her solitude – she is not scared

colder she grows – more resolute
friends, acquaintances, colleagues – everybody gets the boot
she’s loved until her heart was sore
love does no good any more

cold is God’s breath as it blows on her
constant pain in her chest doth stir
it’s not the way she wanted to be
she continues the battle, determined not to flee

copyright © 2015 KPM

icy_landscape_by_das_ratsel-d6rm8g1

it never goes away

disquiet rides in
on the pale horse of dreams
cantering amongst moonbeams
impervious to the screams
of the nightmare tossed

despair saunters in
with a flirtatious dance
staying awhile to dance
offering no hope or chance
to the many lost

death stalks in
eyes burning fever bright
looking neither left nor right
an oft blessed blight
if one cares naught about the cost

copyright © 2015 KPM

it never goes away

may I have this dance?

I tried to dance with death last night
beneath a sky with no moonlight
although I felt a tinge of fright
I asked him to dance & he said “all right”

I tried to dance with death last night
gazed at him with eyes devoid of light
but his eyes burned with fire bright
as he spun me around with all his might

I tried to dance with death last night
though he joined me just to be polite
at last I’ve found a place that’s right
embraced by cold cruel arms so tight

copyright © 2010-2014 KPM

may I have this dance

divine intervention

Calliope bestows a lifeline
not one but 26
powers that hide her from Charon
on the banks of the River Styx

the muses stone the black dog
chase the demons from her head
she does not lack for love
as Eros now dwells in her bed

the spirits Lêthê & Hypnos
guard eyes that would weep
they bring water from a river
to ensure her restful sleep

the ruler of the universe
remains watchful on his throne
thus all Olympus rises
to protect one of its own

copyright © 2014 KPM

divine intervention pic

dark wonder

a dark wonder
manifest in verse
love as a blessing
life as a curse
hopes that curdle
like spoiled cream
depression devours
every dream
lawless / legless
tortured thoughts shifting
vainly seeking
light uplifting
a buzzing noise
a heart like stone
sweaty / sleepless
nights alone

copyright © 2014 KPM

dark wonder pic