disillusioned

well I’ll be damned
what’s this I see?
dissension in the church
just don’t seem right to me

the flower arrangers can’t decide
if they should accept the flowers
donated by the bride

the volunteers who do
the coffee & the tea
are havin’ a mad hair-pullin’ spree

the cleaners is all upset
they get mad, makes ‘em nervous
such a mess left behind after every service!

the vestry is snide
gossip runs rife
this stuff is spoilin’ my religious life

do the angels fight in heaven?
Ariel & Metatron?
Jesus would weep to see what’s goin’ on

this is not how things
is sposed to be
surely this is not Christianity

I’m losin’ my religion
I’m sad & kinda pissed
when did the love vanish?
perhaps I’ll join the atheists!

copyright © 2015 KPM

disillusioned

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Afro Santa

what da hell is dat up in the sky?

it’s Afro Santa –

naw, you lie!

you mean you nevuh heard of Afro Santa?
fat dark-skinned dude, ass bigger ‘n Montana?

man, ah nevah heard ‘bout dis
ah think you’re tryin’ to take the piss

check this homie – have some gin & Fanta
while ah hip you to the tale of Afro Santa

like most a da brothas,
he grew up in the projects
jammin’ to Sugar Hill & readin’ Malcolm X
in class he always played the fool
‘n that shit got him kicked outa school
what he really liked to do was eat
which he did, til he couldn’t see his feet
his daddy said, ‘you greedy louse!’
then his momma put him out da house
fat boy cold felt like a jerk
so he tried to find some work
he worked awhile for Burger King
but they fired him fo’ eatin’ everything
at MickeyDs he tried burger flippin’
but the floors wuz too greasy ‘n he kept trippin’
then one day he had a ideah
to hisself he sez, ‘Christmas is almos’ heah
the thing po’ kids in the hood really lack
is a Santy Claus like them, one who’s black’

so he pawned his possessions to get some loot
bought a black Navigator an’ a Santy Claus suit
but dude (whose name wuz Chris) forgot he couldn’t fly
so over his dinner of KFC he had a good cry
as he cried in his chicken an’ various dishes
there appeared a homeless bum who promised three wishes
said the bum, ‘I’ll give you anything,
if you’ll share with me just one chicken wing’
Chris gave up the food, n’ soon he was singin’
in his black Navigator thru the skies he was wingin’!
now every year po’ folks gets their heart’s desire
from Afro Santa in his Navigator that belches green fire

man, to hell with Afro Santa –
you got any more of that gin & Fanta?

copyright © 2007-2014 KPM

Afro Santa

ode to the morning poo

I can’t help it y’all,
it’s just something I do:
each morning between 7 & 8
I find myself in the loo,
enjoying a cuppa & fag,
as I have my morning poo

it’s not something I plan,
it’s always impromptu
shortly after I’m showered & dressed,
there I am in the loo,
prayin’ no one can hear the sound
of me having my morning poo

when I get that rumbling in my gut,
I know I’ll soon be wipin’ my butt
hard & fast it falls in the bowl,
I’m spendin’ a fortune on toilet roll!

but I can’t help it y’all,
what’s a girl supposed to do?
each morning between 7 & 8
I find myself in the loo,
enjoying a cuppa & fag,
as I have my morning poo

copyright © 2007-2014 KPM

ode to morning poo pic

consoling sounds

sudden puff of air
bed slats creak
mattress’ delighted squeak
signals that he’s not there
(he’s probly gone for a pee
then he’ll be comin’ back to me)

two quiet clicks
water in a rush
noisy toilet flush
cursin’ when the door sticks
(I was right: he needed a pee
now he’s comin’ back to me)

he whistles down the hall
puts the kettle on
another Sunday dawn
shattered by a crow’s call
(now that he’s had his pee
he’ll bring a cuppie back to me)

sunlight assaults my head
his pillow smells like him
givin’ in to a sudden whim
I clamber out of bed
(his face I long to see
but first I need a pee)

copyright © 2014 KPM

consoling sounds pic

B-movies

the heroine’s been rescued
just in the nick of time
as a long-forgotten child star
scrubs his face of grime

the Wasp Woman has a head
made of papier-mâché
an’ Godzilla has saved Tokyo
its people live another day

the Bride of Frankenstein
is stressin’ over her hairdo
meanwhile Killer Klowns From Outer Space
are busy chasin’ me ‘an you

I pay no mind to those
who think Price & Karloff whack
an’ I make no apologies
for wishin’ I was Karen Black!

copyright © 2010-2014 KPM

B-movies pic

happens to all of us

almost over night
tiny wrinkles appear
the TV volume gets increased
cause it’s harder now to hear

twinges in your back
when you try to touch your toes
endlessly searchin’ for your keys
as the short term memory goes

all your favorite foods
now give you awful gas
you can scarce go out in public
lest people think you crass

finger joints are swollen
knees begin to creak
walkin’ to the store an’ back
leaves you bedridden for a week

hair starts goin’ gray
or worse, it starts recedin’
medicine cabinet overflows
with all the pills you’re now needin’

varifocals are now required
for numbers on a measuring cup
an’ you can’t sit on the floor
cause it’s too hard to get back up

gone are the days when I was
a sleek an’ sexy mademoiselle
why did no one ever tell me
the agin’ process would be hell!

copyright © 2014 KPM

happenstoallofus pic

meltwater blues

‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I gotta defrost ya, too
‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I gotta defrost ya, too
this is not a job I like
it makes me cranky, makes me blue

so I fill a pan with water
turn the front burner on high
start unloadin’ the freezer
with many a curse & sigh
soon the countertops are covered
there’s ice trays in the sink
I can’t stand this disarray
is it too early for a drink?

‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I gotta defrost ya, too
‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I gotta defrost ya, too
this is not a job I like
I’ll be so happy when I’m through

got my steel spatula
to knock off the chunks of ice
cold water splashes down my leg
damn, that don’t feel nice!
use some wadded paper towels
to get the puddles off the floor
how I wish I had a maid
don’t wanna do this any more!

‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I gotta defrost ya, too
‘s bad enough I gotta clean ya
but I hafta defrost ya, too
once I win the lottery
I’ll buy a frost-free fridge ‘n replace you!

copyright © 2014 KPM

meltwater blues pic