untenable

she wants to believe in miracles
some folks think that’s odd
firmly rooted in their realities
as she listens for the voice of God

but lately God’s been silent
His/Her mercy is not there
thus she sits, chain-smoking,
refusing to cry in her lovely lair

many have been her troubles
& she knows she’s not the only one
this knowledge brings no comfort
as she watches another rising sun

a list of blessings she has made:
food in the fridge & a good man’s love
yet she can’t help but feel let down
by whoever’s runnin’ things above

each day she grows more anxious
the simplest task is now a strain
& darkness overwhelms her
on those long nights filled with pain

the holy lifeline is no more
heaven has closed it gates
is this meant to teach her patience?
she wonders, & she waits

copyright © 2015 KPM

off_the_hook_by_tfavretto-d1qy9yo

summer rain in the garden of Eden

the sky’s the steely gray
of a million slate-covered roofs
kickin’ out the sound
of angry horses hoofs
the owner of the garden
also owns a troubled past
engulfed by this recent storm
she’s convinced the rain will last

is someone cryin’ up in heaven?
their tears a sign it’s time to flee?
who is cryin’ up in heaven,
& are those tears for me?

fat teardrops batter irises
beneath the onslaught their heads are bowed
all the lilies of the valley
have had their spirits cowed
the owner of the garden
has been caught out unawares
salty water stings her eyes
she wonders why she even cares

do angels cry sometimes in heaven?
aren’t angels meant to show naught but glee?
are those really angels cryin’,
& do they weep for me?

the garden’s souls grow dark
as tree branches battle wind
the climbing ivy falls apart
leaves shivering with chagrin
the owner of the garden – scared
is unsure how she’ll cope
but the nectar remains sweet
assistance in her hold on hope

it matters not who cries in heaven
the garden heeds this watery plea
as the garden’s owner whispers,
“you don’t hafta cry for me”

copyright © 2015 KPM

rain in the garden of eden

this is a test

in my smile folks see a song
‘n people think of me as strong
through every trial I’ve danced along
but right now my faith is gone

I rode the streets of my life, totally in control
had work I loved that made me feel whole
jobless now, I’m facin’ the dole
or damp city streets with a beggin’ bowl

feel like the dupe in a nightmare swindle
‘n in my belly fear starts to kindle
helplessly I watch my bank balance dwindle
my belief in you – can it be rekindled?

I’m strugglin’ to remember that I’m blessed
but this current state I so detest
‘n I don’t wanna be scared or depressed
but my feelings must be expressed

I need you, Lord –guidance & love are requested
cause in this place I’m heavily invested
few are the times that I’ve been bested
reckon that’s why I’m bein’ tested

copyright © 2015 KPM

Tested

The Believer

Once there was a girl who believed in God. She wasn’t exactly raised in the church (though her Mom did her best to take her and her siblings to church and Sunday school when she could), but she believed a higher power existed: God, Gaia, Buddha – pick your flavour. Much like John Irving’s Owen Meany, she believed there was a reason she’d been put on the planet – there was a reason she’d been born, there was a reason for her existence. And along with her belief in the deity, the girl fervently believed in herself and her abilities, which she readily admitted this higher power had bestowed upon her.

And so the girl grew into a woman. Secure in the belief of this higher power and confident in her abilities, she amassed awards, certificates and diplomas. She worked hard, acquiring those material things that all humans long for as proof of their success: a lovely car, a home filled with beautiful things, a closet full of shoes with matching handbags and clothes to die for.  She had a good job, a freezer full of food, her health, friends, someone to love who loved her back and money in the bank.

And as she grew older, one by one these things were taken away – and “taken away” was how she thought of it – not once did she attribute her losses to wrong decisions she had might have made, or even the thought that the God she believed in had decided that it was time for her to do something else and that’s was these losses were about: putting her in a position where she could move into a better place.

She lost faith: in God, not in herself. And although she eventually recouped all she had lost (apart from the person she’d loved), for many years, she would tick the box marked “no religious beliefs”.