a poem for Jourdy

“she’s mine” you smiled
with gritted teeth
“I got her” you said
all steel underneath

you saw my heart was breaking
you got that the rain was too loud
you musta known I couldn’t take it
that sympathetic, well-meaning crowd

“I got this”
pulling my arm as you insisted
that everyone leave me alone
to my surprise, no one resisted

so tight you held onto me
with one youthful, tattooed arm
in that moment I was grateful
I knew you’d keep me safe from harm

so long have you loved me
when did that begin?
why do you love me so?
when we’re not blood – we’ve different skin

yet on the day of the funeral,
a horrid, slow-motion blur
you stood at my side
a warrior you were

many have said they love me
but they ignored me when I cried
so many people claimed to love me
but it turned out they lied

many have said they love me
in my 59 years
on the worst day of my life you said it
as you wiped my tears

unconditional is your love
on that day, you showed your care
I’ll always love you, Jourdy
cause on that day, you were there

copyright © 2017 KPM

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an assertion of control

water in the fish tank’s dirty
she dutifully changes it
when she’s struggling with uncertainty
her furniture – she rearranges it
when she’s seized by darkness
that seeks to destroy her soul
she thinks of things to do
to regain control

there are always clothes to wash
which she lovingly hangs outdoors
she beats back all dust & dirt
hoovering & mopping the floors
when it feels as if her demons
are on a mighty roll
she resorts to relentless cleaning
as a measure of control

she’s not an indecisive person
though she lives on sanity’s border
(& no, she doesn’t have
a delusional order)
it’s true she thinks too much
but life’s events are oft intense
she does what she feels she has to do
to get her world to make some sense

so when she’s overwhelmed by the chaos
that’s spreading across the globe
she re-pots all her plants
or cleans out her vast wardrobe
when she’s standing on the edge
of that fabled rabbit hole
she thinks of things to do
to re-assert control

copyright © 2017 KPM

certainties

it’s a given
that sometime during sleep
nightmarish visions
into her psyche will creep
mindlessly she’ll weep
            she’ll beg
fighting against
the cramp in her leg
but she knows
he’ll stroke her arm
pat her bended knee
she knows his touch will end
the demons’ psychotic spree

it’s a given
that between 3 and 4
when REM sleep kicks in
he will start to snore
unconsciously he mutters
            groans ‘n stutters
awakening suddenly
destination loo
and he knows
once he’s returned
to the now-straightened bed
she’ll wrap herself around him
and plant a kiss on the back of his head

copyright © 2014 KPM

certainties

in the arms of darkness

there’s a darkness in her mind
a darkness in her soul
then there’s that friendly darkness
that makes her heart feel whole

when he turns off the beside lamp
wrappin’ her in darkness black
climbs in bed beside her
an’ curls against her back

in darkness warm he holds her
her hand rests on his thigh
she dreams in the arms of darkness
his gentle snores her lullaby

copyright © 2014 KPM

in arms of darkness

cuddling Eeyore

still an’ quiet he lies on my breast
animal comfort at its best

ensconced with me in a warm green bubble
an’ a dancing fire that burns away all trouble

gently he snuggles underneath my chin
a faithful companion through thick an’ thin

happily he absorbs my pain
as we cuddle to the music of autumn rain

soft an’ warm he nestles against my breast
eroding the fear that resides in my chest

at peace, I stroke his fur – my heart’s not aching
I’m safe – for now – in a world of my own making

copyright © 2014 KPM

cuddling Eeyore