a Christmas nightmare

the holiday scene before me
is fuzzy & unclear
muted voices, blurry faces
why are these people here?
the long table is covered
in shiny bottles of Christmas cheer
so I pour myself a tall one
hopin’ to drink away the fear

the Christmas cactus on the mantle
has one lonely little bloom
faint sounds of 80s disco
float from some unseen ballroom
in this house I’m a stranger
lookin’ for a familiar room
while outside lurks winter darkness
skies that promise snow & doom

& then I feel his hands
even before I hear his voice
I can’t resist – I turn around
because I have no choice
“you’re mine,” he says, “you’re mine
you cannot run, you cannot flee
eternally you’re mine
always you’ll belong to me”

he pulls me close to him
my freezing hands he clasps
icy kisses on my neck
like Cleopatra’s asp
our breath mingles
in tortuous rasps
& all the while he pulls
he grips, he grasps

am I in Cleveland?
am I in Dundee?
where did he come from?
what’s happenin’ to me?
“Merry Christmas,” he says, “you’re mine
mine for all eternity
I shall always be with you,
forever you’ll belong to me.”

copyright © 2018 KPM

it never goes away

disquiet rides in
on the pale horse of dreams
cantering amongst moonbeams
impervious to the screams
of the nightmare tossed

despair saunters in
with a flirtatious dance
staying awhile to dance
offering no hope or chance
to the many lost

death stalks in
eyes burning fever bright
looking neither left nor right
an oft blessed blight
if one cares naught about the cost

copyright © 2015 KPM

it never goes away

atonement’s nightmare

on a dank, dark street corner
crowded with grimy buildings high
a dreamer stands uncertainly
beneath a threatening sky

shadow figures pass her
with casual malice they do stare
an evil wind spits gritty tears
that settles on her perfect hair

she can’t remember where she’s been
or where it is she’s going to
she thinks she’s meant to meet someone
though she’s not sure this is true

a drop of rain assaults her cheek
just before the man appears
with a cry, he clasps her knees
his upturned face is wet with tears

his voice reeks with anguish
as he recounts a hateful tale
of a love he did betray
and a woman he did fail

the dreamer is appalled
yet she is touched by his remorse
her kiss is a benediction
allowing nature to take its course

their bodies battle time
pores secreting bloody sweat
she seeks the one she loved & lost
he vainly tries to escape regret

a roar of thunder coincides
with an orgasm to shatter stone
and as the dreamer fades away
the man learns again he can never atone

copyright © 2014 KPM

atonement

certainties

it’s a given
that sometime during sleep
nightmarish visions
into her psyche will creep
mindlessly she’ll weep
            she’ll beg
fighting against
the cramp in her leg
but she knows
he’ll stroke her arm
pat her bended knee
she knows his touch will end
the demons’ psychotic spree

it’s a given
that between 3 and 4
when REM sleep kicks in
he will start to snore
unconsciously he mutters
            groans ‘n stutters
awakening suddenly
destination loo
and he knows
once he’s returned
to the now-straightened bed
she’ll wrap herself around him
and plant a kiss on the back of his head

copyright © 2014 KPM

certainties

a hole in the wall

is she awake?
is it a dream?  

is that really a shadow flitting down the hall?
an’ what’s that bangin’ noise behind the bathroom wall?
tiles shatter on the floor in the midnight gloom
the gaping hole in the wall reveals another room
the walls of this room are made of dead bugs
a table set for two bears a bowl of squirming slugs
in a corner of the room is a sloppily made bed
with a dirty pillow that boasts a dismembered head
she spares not one thought for her immortal soul
she’s curious now, so she wriggles through the hole
with a bone-rattling thud she hits the dusty floor
to fall endlessly through an unseen trap-door
landing in the backseat of a cab with a crash
she’s greeted by a ghostly driver with a face of grey ash
rusty doors close with a screech an’ a slam
as the driver cackles “where to, ma’am?”  

I’m asleep, she thinks
this has to be a dream
the car rockets towards a fiery tunnel
and she awakens with a scream…  

copyright © 2014 KPM

a hole in the wall

before dawn

on Thursday nights in bed, I think only of tomorrow
Friday being the one day I’m guaranteed to feel no sorrow
so I cozy up to Eeyore, arrange the pillow beneath my head
& heave a sigh of relief at being safe in my big bed

but once I fall asleep, something happens to me inside
my subconscious always takes me on the wildest ride
yeah, once I fall asleep, I lose the boundaries of home
in familiar but contradictory country I am sent to roam

at Dousha’s old house I walk through the open front door
the rooms & hallways are endless; they’re nothing like before
in the formal dining room are twin girls with bright red hair
though I’m stunned to see them, they act like they’ve always been there

they hurl themselves at my bare legs, planting kisses on my thighs
one of these girls looks “normal”, but the other has funny eyes
they clamor for my attention, but just one twin do I understand
the other twin speaks thickly, as if her words she can’t command

anyway, I hug them both, because they seem to know me
plus I’m curious – they claim there’s something they must show me
yet I cannot overcome the feeling of impending doom
& my feet are heavy as they drag me to the old guest room

a woman cries out behind me, & the twins both fade away
from the room I stand before I hear a guitar begin to play
my legs have turned to water – suddenly I feel fatigued
yet & still I go inside, cause I’m totally intrigued

he lies naked on the bed, the guitar barely covering his dick
Judy’s “man that got away” – the one whose death made me so sick
he looks just the way he used to – golden skinned with piercing eyes
& he’s laughing – damn him! – at my obvious surprise

“C’mere,” he says grinning, & pats the space beside him on the bed
I readily acquiesce (cause I always followed wherever he led)
as soon as I’m beside him, he lays the guitar on the floor
soon I’m naked in his arms – I’m a trusting 19 once more

“Bet ya miss me,” he whispers, his tongue invading my ear
“Bet ya learned that I was right – my soul is always near
Did ya think ya could escape? All too true was my decree:
Forever you’ll be mine, way beyond eternity.”

I dearly long to protest, but somehow I’ve lost my voice
& when he leads me to the kitchen, I follow – I’ve no choice!
in the kitchen he hands me a paintbrush, his big brown eyes mad with glee
& on the walls we paint scenes of gross depravity

magnum opus now completed, he fucks me yet again
we both scream through the saliva that’s sliding down my chin
the assault on my body was endless, twilight bathes the defaced room
so I grab my clothes & flee – my soul I can’t let him consume

in the driveway is a car – a Cadillac ragtop
sobbing with fear, over the door I nimbly hop
I am filled with questions: there’s no key…how do I drive?
but the car spirits me away, & I’m so thankful I’m still alive

my hands are on the wheel, but the car goes where it wants
passing people & places best forgotten, & all my other old haunts
at the corner of Hayden & Euclid I crash into a rock
when I awake, my head is sore, but from the crash, or the alarm clock?

copyright © 2012-2014 KPM

before dawn pic