spoon fed

you gotta eat something
so eat baby, eat
cook something you like
buy yourself a special treat

salmon on toast
a juicy grilled steak
homemade lentil soup
steamed broccoli with grilled hake

what about this:
there’s Deliveroo
you can get a Double Whopper
Burger King pleases you

Ma, I might if I weren’t skint
just look at my bankbook
better still, look at me:
I’m in no shape to cook

but you need to eat something,
so eat, my darling child
your grief (& your stubbornness)
are driving me wild

you could make spaghetti
the one thing you made better than me
what about your love of seafood
scallops fresh from the North Sea

Ma, I am sorry
I know you mean to be kind
but ever since you left
food’s the last thing on my mind

pray for me, Ma
cause I no longer know what to do
I feel as if I’ve ruined my life
can’t bear the pain of missing you

copyright © 2019 KPM

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harder

it would be a hard task
ripping off that mask
unsure if she’s ready to share
certain that no one would care

new lines in her face point down,
down
grief makes her tired
it makes her frown

there’s no one
to apportion blame to
she’d ask for help
but she’s ashamed to

is she mad? she wonders,
are strangers really staring?
such a burden this is,
a load she’s tired of bearing

how long in the ground
before a body grows cold?
sorrow seductively questions
the point of growing old

lines deepen around her eyes,
eyes
that saw a bright future,
now dimmed by daily cries

copyright © 2019 KPM

autumn in the kingdom of Alba

another Friday morning
once again I open my eyes
to another spectacular
Scottish sunrise

my heart still beats
with its heavy load
yet I smile when I think
of strollin’ down Perth Road

my walk to work is soothing
daily exercise
checkin’ out the people
& the changin’ Dundee skies

a time for me to think
in the chilly mornin’ peace
a time for silent prayer
hopin’ sorrow will decrease

copyright © 2017 KPM

 

waitin’ for the mail

flawed I am
with a soul that’s scarred
it can’t be helped:
my life’s been hard

mistakes I’ve made
things I can’t take back
forgive me, forgive me not:
won’t live my life on the rack

cause I’m a lowly human
sometimes happy, often blue
just an ordinary woman
a lonely soul like you

doubts I have aplenty
things I wish I could forget
but my past is what made me
so that I’ll never regret

I’ve always felt like a stranger
living in a strange land
but I am older now,
so I don’t care if you don’t understand

cause I’m human
from my truths I’ll never flee
just a lowly human
& you’re no better than me

phone me, send an email
better still, write
words from you would mean so much
they’d illuminate my darkest night

you can call me selfish
say it’s the worst kind of greed
but your familiar handwriting
is the one thing I most need

I’m only human, baby
my heart’s not made of stone
just one more grieving human
don’t let me go through this alone

copyright © 2017 KPM

50 days

grief
is a hateful thief
that has stolen my brother’s joy
replaced the humour in his eyes
with the look of a lost little boy

dismay
has come to play
it dances across my sisters’ hearts
tinging their smiles with a sadness
that pierces my soul like darts

me? I’m just numb
totally struck dumb
I’ve become unglued
my once familiar world
is now forever, horribly skewed

copyright © 2016 KPM

pieces of you

the blue potholders you made
you’d said it was your first try
they were far too pretty to use
on a shelf in my kitchen they lie

stationary sent “just because”
those neon sheets so gay & bright
there’s still plenty paper left
but there’s no one I care to write

a scarf sent for my birthday
worn casually ‘round my neck
I fondle it frequently
on those days when I’m a wreck

the first Christmas present you sent me
that soft pink sweater
now I wear it cold or not
cause it makes me feel better

all those letters, all your photos
so carefully, lovingly framed
you smile in each room of my house
my heart is forever maimed

also in the kitchen
on the door of my well-stocked fridge
are all those funny little magnets
reinforcing love’s constant bridge

copyright © 2017 KPM

seen in the classifieds

the ad said:

another owner is needed
for one broken heart
the current owner wants to give it
a brand-new start

the heart’s still working,
blood still pumps
though sometimes it stutters:
it’s faced too many of life’s jumps

the valves & ventricles are good
oxygen still flows
but it often suffers pain
from old betrayals & blows

all arteries & veins
are basically sound
despite the owner feeling
as if she’s been drowned

the owner of this heart
desperately wants to give it away
it’s free to the first taker,
please come collect it today

copyright © 2017 KPM

talkin’ to Mommy

every day the sun still rises
even though you’re gone
can’t help but wonder why it does that,
as I struggle to carry on

I do my usual household chores:
I cook, hang laundry on the line
people tell me I look tired
I lie with a smile – tell them that “I’m fine”

& I wonder why I lie,
when for their thought I don’t give a toss
tell me what to do, Mommy
how do I deal with your loss?

I know how much you missed me,
cause I lived so far away
but distance did not steal our love,
& you still lived, so I was okay

& now I’m lost, Mommy
I’ve passed depression or feeling blue
how do I go on without you –
tell me Mommy, what do I do?

your passing has revived
all my ancient childhood fears
I’m crying in my sleep,
my pillow sags with tears

you were an awesome mother,
the best any kid ever had
it’s as if my heart’s stopped beating,
my life’s now bleak & sad

I hope you hear me, Mommy,
when I talk to you each day
our conversations were unfinished –
so much I didn’t get to say

for the remainder of my life
your absence I will rue
tell me, please, Mommy,
now what do I do?

copyright © 2017 KPM

the road to Edinburgh

cool morning mist embraces
my beloved Scottish hills
I try not to think of what’s coming:
it makes me sick,
it gives me chills

lights glow in scattered farm houses
they shine like alien eyes
I’m tryin’ hard to turn my thoughts off,
cause they’re all scary –
oversized

each mile covered takes me further
from favourite familiar sights
I’m entering unknown territory,
approaching many
dark nights

the morning people have awakened
to a new cycle of joy & pain
I can feel his silent watching
as I walk tearfully
towards the plane

copyright © 2017 KPM

August

autumn approaches
the sky changes its hue
& from her kitchen window
she sees a different view:
falling geranium petals
a slower growing lawn
petunias that have died
the later arrival of dawn

she dislikes autumn
mornings where she sees each breath
the chill that kills the ivy
harbinger of summer’s death
the sun now sets much quicker
(though it’s not the dark she fears)
she’s a faithful summer baby –
its end always brings her to tears

she cares nought for football
bonfires & Halloween
in love with the heat shimmer of sidewalks
cloudless skies crisp & clean
to hell with all the colors
of the ‘pretty’ autumn leaves
without the heat of the summer sun
her soul curls up – it grieves

autumn’s approach brings unwanted reminders
of those once loved who left
the loss of sunshine’s extra hour
is a crime – it feels like theft
she loathes the sight of bare tree branches
etched against the sky like stained gauze
when autumn starts to stalk her
she locks all doors & withdraws

copyright © 2016 KPM

end of august